Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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