just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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