i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
