Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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