so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
