I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
