I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize