I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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