All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
