A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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