Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
