whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
