i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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