OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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