A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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