Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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