I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
