I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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