Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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