Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
