well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
