Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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