What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
