I think I am morally bankrupt
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
