thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
