I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
