Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize