I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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