if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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