remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
