Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
