I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
