I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize