Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
