I wish my penis had an off switch
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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