Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
