I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
