Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Success! We fucked roommates!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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