and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
