Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
