I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
