There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
