Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
