mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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