omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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