I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
