your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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