Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
