Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize