I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
