thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
