he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
