Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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