just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
