Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
