Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
