He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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