i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
