Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
