i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Mom said you looked used
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
