someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
