you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
