so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
