He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
