I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
