Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
